**Song of the Week**

I decided that every week I am going to post a song of the week, my jams !!!

THE FUNNIEST ISH OF THE YEAR!!!!!!

DRAKE SPOOF....PEEP IT AND CRACK THE HELL UP!!!!

BENCH BLOG #1

I am beginning the first step to shedding pounds by walking the bike trail that is by my house. I tried to jog at first, but after almost thirty seconds, I thought I was going to pass out (embarrassing). Walking the path alone give me time to reflect about my life...remembering my past from walking this trail with friends when I was a teenager, to envisioning my future, and what it entails.

This bench located at the halfway point of the trail will be where I sit for five minutes to blog about my feelings. This is the first entry.

I look around, and just chuckle at myself because I have so many childhood memories from this trail. I worked at Berry Hill Pool when I was 13, and I always took this trail to get there from my house. All that was on my mind was boys, making money, getting away from my parents and anything a teenager could get into.

I took a picture of the park that I went to all the time...kissing boys on the slide, swinging with my girlfriends, watching flashy cars drive by and wondering why so many people were going in and out the car (drug deals), wishing I could drive up to the park, but I couldn't, I was so young. I will never forget the time I smoked a strawberry joint on the swings--that was probably the third time I had ever smoked pot...those were the good ol' days, right? Being a teenager probably was the best years of my life, raging hormones, deviance, curiosity, innocence.


A picture of a beautiful sunflower on the trail:

Major KUDOS to THIS chick right here....

My girl put me on a web site that I have been addicted to since the first moment I layed eyes on it. Believe it or not, a chick by the name of Monica did the smartest shit any blogger could do this day and age.

Now, what girl doesn't fantasize about being with mainstream rappers/professional athletes/actors like Drake, Red Man, Aaron Carter, Young Jeezy or Trey Songs or for those eccentric bitches, Dwele or Common?? Personally, I have a very detailed imagination and on some nights instead of going out with my girls or kickin' it w. my boyfriend, I would rather stay at home and "play..." Curl up on the couch, play some Drake in the background and let my imagination run wild. I fantasize about Shia LeBeouf, Evan Ross, many more, but most of all, Aubrey Drake Graham (saving that blog for another day).

Ms. Monica decided to start a blog, where girls who have had a sexual experience with a celebrity can post up their encounter on her blog, details and all. And when I say DETAILS, down to the nitty gritty.

I love it because, I don't give a damn who you are, chicks are too shy (and I am one of them) to open up and claim that they would be a groupie for one night, just to have that amazing sexual experience with someone that you know you can't have.

The fascinating part about this web-site, is that you don't know if the stories are real or fake, but it doesn't matter, because the freaky text that is used to describe these sexual encounters are enough to keep girls (closet freaks, especially) wide eyed and glued to the screen.

IF Ms. Monica is making all of these stories up and posting them, saying that other people send them in, then she is a fucking genius. I would then label her the modern-day, younger-version of Zane, author of The Sex Chronicles. Zane gave it to you the way you want it, but too shy to ask for it. Dirty words that classy girls are too embarrassed to even say.

However, if she is accepting stories from "groupies" or chicks, then she is still a fucking genius. Once again, I can't express enough how regular chicks WISH they could have groupie experiences, just too pride-ish (I know it's not a word) or "better than that" to admit it. Personally, I wish there was a different term for girls who have just had a one/two/three night experience with a celebrity compared to chicks who go out on a mission to bounce between celebrities. Those, I consider groupies because they need the consistent label to get them aroused.

So MY WOMAN OF THE YEAR, is Ms. Monica, founder of Backstagepazz.com, Tales of a Groupie. Thank you, Monica, for creating such an interesting blog, not being afraid of taking it there and putting these guys (hell, even chicks, Nicki Minaj is on there, too!!) on blast and giving us AMAZING material to get caught up in. Major, MAJOR KUDOS!!!

Genuine? Or I am just gullable....

Chris Brown public apology....I actually kind of feel sorry for the kid...

Song of the Day =)

I'll make her say-Kid Cudi ft. Kanye West and Common

Very cute...plus I LOVE Lady Gaga

Under all that, there is beauty....

Could you imagine being that person who looks in the mirror every day and be repulsed? I know, kind of a dramatic word, but I honestly can't think of any other one. Being overweight in today's world is so unaccepted and a hard life to live.

I often find myself going off into this fantasy realm where I am skinny, everyone loves me and most of all, I love myself. But, reality sets in when I turn on the television and see gorgeous women in red bikini's by the beach, cute sun dresses that hug their curves perfectly. In their reality, they are beautiful, skinny, happy. And then my fantasy world diminishes, and I realize that I am pudgy, wearing a solid black one-piece swim suit to the pool with a cover up. Goodness, I hate this life so much sometimes.

I can honestly admit than when I used to cut myself, it was because of my self image. I had three major issues about my body that I wanted to change so bad. 1. My extra large breast. 2. Being overweight and 3. My hair.

I happened to eliminate the first one with a breast reduction, which was the best thing to ever happen to me. But two and three, are virtually impossible. My whole life, I have been huskier, and I want to change that about me. I have always had short hair, and dream of having natural, long hair.

The day before yesterday, I had a mental breakdown with my boyfriend. He basically thinks that I have issues, so until I get myself together, we decided that we don't need to be together (and the fact that he is extremely selfish, but enough about him, he's not that serious). There are two main things that I have got to get together : 1. My self confidence and 2. My weight.

I need to workout, but I can't. I am so sick and tired of setting these goals for myself, and I can never make it. I have bought fiber pills, Slim-Quick, detoxing kits, spent money that I barely even have, just to kick off a good diet, and I always fail myself. It just seems like eating healthy is so expensive, while eating slobbish is virtually an everyday thing that is extremely affordable.

I know that I am lazy. I know that I am in control of my body, but it seriously feels like a demon has a latch on to me, that constantly reminds me that I am fat, and that I will never be fully happy with myself. I cry and cry and cry everyday because my soul hurts so bad. I just want to wake up, and look in the mirror naked, and love myself. Love every thing I see.

It's not like I am asking to be 120 pounds. I just want to be tone. I really do think that my face is beautiful. I have a great personality with an awesome smile, but that can only get me so far. I need to do this for myself. I need to be fit. I have lived almost 22 years being unhappy with my body.

Is it too late?

No. I believe in myself.

Someone that I admire soo much who reminds me a lot of myself is Khloe Kardashian. She has always been a little bit bigger than her two closer sisters, Kim and Kourtney. Similar to my best friends, they are like my sisters and I have always been bigger than them, as well. To me, she exemplifies beauty, not just with her looks, but with her saavy, "i-don't-give-a-damn" attitude. She is one of my idols, and I wish that I could talk to her right now to figure out how she gained the confidence to believe in herself to lose weight. I know the spotlight might have had something to do with it, constant pressure from the media, comparing her weight and image to Kourtney and Kims. But Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian, and she recently just lost 20 pounds. She is gorgeous, and she is going to help me shed these pounds.



Another chick who I think is ABSOLUTELY FIERCE, I really do not know too much about her, but aside from her beauty, she is able to do something so courageous that I can't even deal with on a daily basis, which is rock the HELL out of a short haircut...Miss Amber Rose. A lot of people have negative things to say about her, but her body, her swagg, her lifestyle is like a dream to me. She walks like she is saying "Hate on, hatas..." and not because she is with Kanye, but because she exemplifies Confidence, which is what I would die for. Feeling beautiful, confident and sexy, all with short hair.

One day, I will be able to walk down the street and love myself. I believe it. With the power of God, ambition, dedication...I can be the person that I truly want to be. This isn't just a phase that I am going through. This is real. I want to be beautiful.

I can honestly admit that the media does have an impact on me by trying to become skinnier and tone, but is that such a bad thing? I am the one who decides to sit at home and cry and eat chocolate bars and wish like I was best friends with the Kardashians or wish that I could be in a sexy bikini pool side in Las Vegas. But why wish? Why not just go after it? I have always been raised to believe that if I want it, go get it. Along with my career dreams, I am seeking personal dreams as well-to be fit. To be healthy. To be, beautiful.

Relating to Adele....

Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads no where....(Adele)

It's been hard for me, recently, since my last blog. I think that I have been slowly losing my mind. Waking up everyday, and realizing that I am still in Lexington, Kentucky with no money, no job, and waiting on my calling. I guess I don't have any patience, but I am so ready to do what I do best.

Another thing that I have been battling sooo hard recently is my self-confidence and weight, but that's for another blog.

I just wanted to post this song because I think it's amazing. Adele's voice is so tender and soul touching, and the theme for this song is perfect for me right now at this time in my life.

Adele-Chasing Pavements



Check out her latest song as well, Hometown Glory.....this relates to me regarding my dreams getting to the city and making it big....this chick is RAW :)